Where lizards roam free and games are made by a 154-year-old genius (his words, not ours).
Warning: May cause uncontrollable lizard obsession
Oliver Cohen is a 154-year-old, 7'9" former Olympic bodybuilder and freestyle swimmer, former WWF World Champion, Hulk Hogan's former financial advisor, world champion chalk artist, grower of the world's largest butternut squash, and the world's foremost expert on lizard games. He climbed Mount Everest hopping on one foot the entire way, and has been featured in Sports Illustrated at least 1,032 times for his nunchuck skills. He then decided that instead of doing literally anything else with his extraordinary life, he would build a video game about lizards. Honestly? Respect.
154 years. Infinite achievements. One lizard game.
Not two feet. Not a pogo stick. One foot. Hopping. The entire way up. Sherpas wept. Edmund Hillary sent a congratulatory letter from beyond the grave.
Won gold in both bodybuilding AND freestyle swimming at the same Olympics. Judges were confused. Oliver was not.
Held the belt for 47 consecutive years. Retired undefeated. The championship belt was later bronzed and placed in the Smithsonian.
Managed Hulk Hogan's entire portfolio for decades. Watcha gonna do, brother, when Oliver's financial wisdom runs wild on you?
Recognized by every major lizard gaming authority on earth. There are three of them. Oliver founded all three.
Officially measured at 847 pounds. Scientists still don't know how. Oliver says it's the lizard energy. The squash is now on display at the Louvre.
Seven-time consecutive world champion. His sidewalk masterpiece of a lizard eating a butternut squash is considered the Sistine Chapel of chalk art.
Every single cover: nunchucks. Editors have tried to put other athletes on the cover. Oliver's nunchuck skills simply will not allow it.
Oliver's magnum opus. His masterpiece. The game that will go down in history. After 154 years on this earth — surviving world wars, wrestling championships, one-footed Everest climbs, 1,032 Sports Illustrated nunchuck covers, and managing Hulk Hogan's portfolio — Oliver has channeled all of his wisdom into one definitive work: a game about lizards in a garden. Play it. You won't regret it. (We can't guarantee that.)
🚀 Launch the Game!